A moment's thought...

I was having a lovely conversation with a woman at my work today, and reflecting on the friendship that i have developed with her when it occurred to me that many of the people whom have influenced my life for the most good are people whom I never would have chosen out of a crowd to be my friend. They are people who have come into my life though circumstances that appear random.  People such as Katie Porter, who became my roommate because and RA in on campus housing thought it was funny that we had the same name and so assigned us to the same room. Or Kerri McNeil who, though serving in a different mission, was placed in my group. Kerri went to BYU and was from Texas  there was a very small chance of us ever meeting and yet she was an instant best friend and a woman who was able to give me more self confidence and courage to press forward than almost anyone I have ever met. Katie Porter and I never had a class together in our time at Utah State, again not likely that we would have met nor remained friends if not for a crazy happenstance and without her I would never have ran into the farm boy from Tooele county who is now my very handsome husband and very best friend. 

These are just two examples, but I can think of a dozen people just off the top of my head who have changed my life in miraculous ways and whom I will always remember as angels in my life who have nothing in common with me other than we happened to be in the right place at the right time and be able to help one another. My conclusion: Heavenly Father sure knows what He is doing. 

Pictures....

Here are a few pictures. I'd like to be able to write some but mornings seem to get shorter and shorter and I need to be getting ready for work and Annabeth needs to have a bath. 

A little treat for Grammie

She was smiling a lot more before I got the camera out, and of course just after the battery died she started cooing and gurgling a lot more. She just sin't a fan of the camera.

Singing Time...

I will eventually add pictures of the baby blessing. I'm just lazy and don't ever feel the energy to hunt down the cord to attach my camera to my computer. Someday I'll find it, the camera concoction, for Joseph and baby and me....Oh wow, am I tired or what! Anyway the picture from today is off my phone.

You can see that the little cutie is smiling, but if I took the binki out she would only start to scream. I can't get a good picture of her smiling without her binki in...but someday...someday she will be happy at a time other than 5 am, and then the camera will catch the allusive Annabeth smile.

Anywho, Annabeth was officially welcomed as the newest member of our primary today, because she comes to sharing time with me. When I was pregnant she would always wiggle and worm during singing time, so I was curious as to weather or not she would react when she got free but she LOVES it. She was fussy before the sing started and screamed when it stopped, but as long as their was a song going she was a happy, if somewhat spity, little girl. There is also something amazing about singing "I am a child of God" while holding your very own baby.

Also...HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!! To the best newest daddy out there! But if i make this post longer, i'll burn dinner so I'll leave it at that.

Disclaimer: Grandma Payne vocabulary used...

Before you get upset...pictures are coming. I just haven't had time to get around to posting the pictures from the blessing as I have gone back to work this week. Which unhappy subject is the topic of my emotional vomit today.

I started back to work on Monday, fully prepared to face a full on emotional breakdown. Which was why I was somewhat sup-prized to have an easy time of leaving Annabeth with my sister-in-law and going to work.  At work I was greeted by countless employee's and customers who were all glad to see me and wanted to know everything about Annabeth I could find time to tell them between transactions. All and all, it was a fairly good day. The next day when I dropped Annabeth of was much harder, she was awake instead of sleeping, but once I got to work it was like I'd never taken six weeks off. I just got into the grove of things and went about my day. It wasn't until I was coming into the house listening to Joseph have a one conversation with Annabeth as if she really could be expressing her opinion that I felt a pang of regret. One day I will drop Annabeth off with someone else and come home to find her sitting on a couch with a boy telling me she is off to start her own life with Joseph and I. And I am fairly certain all that may just happen while I am at work. Still, a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do so I dropped her of again yesterday and bustled off to work, handled several very sticky situations with very grumpy customers and went home feeling very good about myself and my place in laugh. Annabeth and I had a good snuggle, Joseph used his daddy magic to put her to bed at 10 and she sleep until 5! Miracle!

And then today, at about 11:30, (about the time I am supposed to be putting Annabeth in the car) the bomb I thought was going to squash me on Monday slammed into me out of nowhere. I was trying to put a vary angry little baby into her car seat, when all I really wanted to do was snuggle with her and put her down for a nap...or rather not put her down for a nap but hold her all afternoon. And the insanity of it all left me bawling like a baby (actually the baby was just screaming, so not quite like a baby). I sat there staring at my baby screaming in the car seat and all I could think was. Why in the H*#$ (word my Grandma Payne does not think is a swear word) am I doing this? 

A question I still do not have an answer to more than an hour later. Here I am at work, while my precious little baby is being taken care of by someone else. Why am I doing this? And why is is so (just thought another word my grandma doesn't think is a swear word) is it so hard?? It's not like I don't trust my sister-in-law or my husband with Annabeth. It's not that I hate my job. I really like my job, and I love the people I work with and many of my customers. But is that really worth it? Is it worth coming home one day to find that I missed the first time Annabeth rolled over, or the first time she sat up on her own? Is it worth her asking me some question about her childhood in the long distant future and not being able to answer and being forced to have her turn to her aunts instead? Will their come a day when she prefers them over me because she is with them more. Will she say Lissa or Sarah before Mama? 

Just what is it I am trading for 10.50 an hour? Surly time with by baby is much more important. But you can't pay rent with time with your baby, and so what do I do?

Sorry for the depressing post...but I needed the emotional vent...