Scroogy

So I have been feeling like a Scrooge this holiday season. Work has been....less than comfortable with all the construction and dirt and stress. Annabeth is adorable as ever, but she could care less that it is Christmas and with finals and whatnot we haven't really had time to do anything as a family. I get to go home to Joseph for Christmas this year, which should make me really excited but at the moment a four hour drive and packing and scheduling when we get there is just making me stressed. I couldn't even qualify as a Grinch, because until last night I did not even want to be bothered with the fact that Christmas was coming. I just wanted time to get the simple daily tasks I needed to accomplished without the hustle and bustle of parties and decorating and shopping. 

Then last night or friends Colin and Jita asked us to come Christmas Caroling with them and another family. We read the story of Luke before we went out caroling. There is just something about the sound of children's voices reading the scriptures that makes them seem so much more powerful to me. The kids from the other family were so excited and enthusiastic about taking treats around to the neighborhood. But after the first house or two, rather than try to visit people Jita knew from church, we just started going to whatever home had their lights on. 

There was something about seeing the shock on people's faces, one group we visited even said they had never had carolers before. Everyone was so excited to be sung to and receive some cookies. I think sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own little world that I forget how easy it really is to reach out so strangers. I have a terrible habit of over complicating everything. 

I'm not saying this very well but the point is, caroling to complete strangers helped me to catch the spirit of Christmas finally. It reminded me that Christmas is not about stuff, or cookies or parties, it is about spreading joy. 

I know this isn't a very good pic, it's just off my phone but our camera battery went dead. Annabeth LOVED caroling just as much as she loved the Musical at the high school and singing in church. She went crazy bouncing up and down and squeaking while we sang in her own little cooing version of the songs. 

And then I watched this video this morning. I couldn't help wanting to post it. Why do we make life so complicated, when it is meant to be so simple? 

Ooopes...

So I may or may not have posted on my sisters blog by accident.

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3738893750934880638#allposts

Someone is too Adventurous.

Just in case you were wondering, the speed she is walking at in the first video is after about 5 minutes of practicing. The second video was her fist attempt. Not to brag or anything, you know, I just happen to think that my child is a genius. A genius who makes me very very tired.

Bare Bottomed Duck Hunt

So at the time this video was taken, I was so excited about how much Annabeth loved the water. I thought she was brave to prefer her tummy and splash so violently. Now, two weeks later, I realize that this video is a rather tentative attempt at flooding the bathroom every morning. She is MUCH more into splashing now than she ever was before. She is also much more into bath time. She loves to crawl into the bathroom and bang on the tub, and today she attempted to climb into it. And all it took to stop her screaming about the giant goose egg she gave herself was to turn the water on. She immediately began kicking her legs and flailing her arms ready to splash. One day I'll quit being lazy and take another video, but for now, here is this one.

For the record, my husband would like to wash his hands of this video. He does not approve of posting our child's bath time nakedness, but I say, every baby had a butt, so here is Annabeths!(She can hate me when she's older.)

Brain Freeze...yuck...

I bet you thought this post would be about something happy, like ice cream. WRONG! It's about a brain freeze.

You can't force creativity, which really sucks. Because sometimes I get in the mood to write and I get out a brand new notebook and....stare at it. It is one of the most frustrating things in my life. It's almost like meeting new people, when i know I should be friendly and nice and say "Hello!" and then.........i short out... I have a saying I like, "I'm just socially aware enough to know that I am socially awkward." Having recently moved to a new ward I am more aware than ever. The fact that my husband is so amazing at meeting new people makes it easier for me, and also more frustrating, because it leaves me with more time standing by him with brain freeze....

And since my brain is currently frozen....i can't think of anything else to write...so that's all....

Wonder....

So it has been a while since I found the time to update my blog. The reason for this is in short...we moved, "Ta da!" What you had no idea we were moving? Well neither did we. But it all worked out for the best at least on our end. My Aunt and uncle came home from their mission early for medical reasons and we are praying hard for my Aunt Louise who has cancer. (please feel free to join with us in that)...

But the subject of my update today is my musings....My little sister Tory has a favorite movie which she has been begging me to watch for a long time, which i finally did. Rise of the Guardians, for those of you who haven't seen it it is all about all those childhood heroes and how they protect the world, not just spread joy. Santa, the Easter bunny ect. ect.  The reason each of the guardians are chosen is because of some element of childhood they posses.  Santa at his very core represents "Wonder".

Since we watched the movie I've been thinking a lot about this idea of "wonder". It's true, it is a quality children posses. Everything is so much ....more when you are a kid. The grand canyon is endless, not just deep. A new toy is magical not just new. But I think true wonder is not something I really experienced until I became a mother. 

I find endless wonder in watching Annabeth. I vividly remember the moment months ago when she discovered she could command her hand to pick things up and drop them again. I could watch her fascination with the pattern on a blanket all morning and never get tired of it. The wonder she experiences as a child I experience ten fold as her mother. Which is why being a mother is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. (Pun intended because I am married to Joseph, that's why."

-the end. 

On the Move! - And other videos for your viewing pleasure.

I've been promising a few videos to Grammie and Auntie Twee for a few days, so here they are. Also there are a few pictures of Melissa's kids, taken by themselves. I wish I had time to write more but I'm off to work here in a moment.

Baby Fight!

In a previous post I mentioned my husbands love for baby fights, and how the babies themselves tend to prefer chewing on fists to fighting. So without further ado I introduce to you the light weight champion of the world, Queen of the Ring Miss. Elsieeeeeee (you have to read it with a boxing announcer voice) who clearly knows how a baby fight is meant to go down.

no babies where harmed in the making of this photo

Yes not only is the extremely advanced little missy punching Annabeth, she managed to get herself as well. I am so glad that Annabeth has a little cousin just her age to play with, and so many other cousins close to her age. She is one lucky little girl. 

Woe is me....and other whinny things

There is the cutest little girl who comes in to the bank once, sometimes twice, a week. She has blond curly hair and big green eyes and she is always dancing about. She loves to chat with the tellers and is full of giggles and funny things to say. She is in short, very much like I would like to imagine Annabeth will be in two or three years. She comes with her grandma, and when offered a treat she always asks for one to take to her mother. "My mommy is at work," she will tell us every single visit. "My mommy is at work, and I get to see her when she gets off at X time, and we will play after dinner." Or "I will get to visit my mommy at her work tonight because she will not get off until after I am asleep." And even sometimes, "My mommy is at work, so I am sleeping at grandma's tonight."

She is such a happy little girl, and she also tells us about adventures she has with her grandma and all the things she does with her. It's not as if she is depressed or seems mistreated in anyway and yet every time I here her tiny little voice tell my, "My mommy is at work," I feel like crying. Joseph still has two years of school for sure, and possibly as many as four. So it very well could be little Annabeth in a few years, mentioning to every stranger she meets, "My mommy is at work." It is very depressing to me, even though I know that she is with her dad or one of her aunts. But I'm just feeling whiny today is all. I don't want to be at work catching who knows what off other peoples nasty money that they pull out of bras and other equally disturbing hidey-holes on their person.  I don't want to listen to the snide comments old people make about the technology we use to help us count and say, "oh is that money counter cheaper than hearing someone who knows how to count?" or "So this is what your doing with your college degree? Counting to twenty?"- and YES, people have actually said those exact things to me. Which is particularly depressing when I accidentally count wrong. 

I also don't want to think about the fact Joseph's car broke down this morning, or that my car needs knew tiers and has a serious alignment problem. All of which indicate that I will have to keep my job, or that we need to start thinking about moving, which will mean packing and cleaning and a thousand thinks which will make it harder for me to spend time with Annabeth, and mean rent, which will again mean, no staying at home with the baby anytime soon. And oh that nasty little requirement of 'insurance' which REALLY means I have to keep working. Not that I dislike my job really, counting to twenty five hundreds of times a day really is quite a cushy set up really, even if it does seem like a waist of a college education sometimes. And I love the girls I work with.  I just hate dropping of a baby who know knows to cry when I leave her. I hate waking her up from a nap (because she already hates naps and doesn't always take one, let alone a long one) to shove her in her car seat. I hate counting every minute of the morning so that I can get what i need to done and still have time for her. I hate that I never get whet I need to done. I hate that in order to see family every weekend we have to leave late and leave messes behind that I am eternally trying to clean. I hate that I never get to sleep, and I pity my poor husband because I am a grouchy tired person. I hate that i never get to see my husband because we are almost never home at the same time.....

But since this has been a particularly depressing message, here is a picture to brighten your day!

This is Annabeth and her little buddy Juniper, having a baby fight. Their dads insist on baby fights every time they get together, so far, they just chew on their fists, and occasionally the other baby's fist. But they are sure cute!

A Parade in Cuteness!!

I have been meaning to post pictures for a long time, and to write about the joys of motherhood and all our family adventures...but the fact is I'm too lazy at the moment so instead I will present you with a parade of cutness, from oldest to youngest. My nieces and nephews on the Mills side of the family, and of course my own darling baby.

The Fourth of July!

So my main discovery from this fourth of July is this....life is very very different as a grown up. If you want to get to the parade on time, and have water to drink and snacks to eat you have to get up early and back said water and snacks and you have to haul chairs and strollers and diaper backs and sunscreen around with you....if the baby wasn't so stinking cute it would be awful. Did i mention we did not see a parade this year. We also would have missed the fireworks due to bed-time had my sisters neighbors not put on the "cul de sac of fire" which was at least as good as the fireworks the town of Joseph puts on, if not better. Thank you crazy possibly drunk neighbors.

We did however have fun with my sister and her kids, the highlight of our day was......

                                                       THE CASTLE PARK!!!

It is Joseph's favorite place on the earth...well one of his favorite places. He has many favorites...but to the point. The kid-ohs had a grand old time....

Maes aka "Cuby" showing his dad (my brother in law Jeff...not to be confused with my brother Jeff) playing on the pirate ship.

My Romeo....obviously he's got the scene a little backwards....

Gwendolyn and her mommy (my sister Melissa)

Annabeth was not the biggest fan of the park.

But Gwendy cheered her up a bit...eventually

Finn being very brave and strong. 

Nadia was a pretty great climber. 

She's the worlds first bald Rapunzel. 

After the park we had a yummy picnick at our place. Good food over came the fear of bugs and we ate outside under the blankets. 

And here is a picture for Grandma Becky, since she is so far away. (Gramie Jody Pie too).

And here are a few more of my baby, just because I love her!! And I happen to think she is the cutest thing ever. 

My sister's family has a tradition of giving their baby animals. Gwendy the Roo, Measey the bear ect. ect. We had no intention of doing this with our kids but....look at the little Owl. It just sort of happened. 

A moment's thought...

I was having a lovely conversation with a woman at my work today, and reflecting on the friendship that i have developed with her when it occurred to me that many of the people whom have influenced my life for the most good are people whom I never would have chosen out of a crowd to be my friend. They are people who have come into my life though circumstances that appear random.  People such as Katie Porter, who became my roommate because and RA in on campus housing thought it was funny that we had the same name and so assigned us to the same room. Or Kerri McNeil who, though serving in a different mission, was placed in my group. Kerri went to BYU and was from Texas  there was a very small chance of us ever meeting and yet she was an instant best friend and a woman who was able to give me more self confidence and courage to press forward than almost anyone I have ever met. Katie Porter and I never had a class together in our time at Utah State, again not likely that we would have met nor remained friends if not for a crazy happenstance and without her I would never have ran into the farm boy from Tooele county who is now my very handsome husband and very best friend. 

These are just two examples, but I can think of a dozen people just off the top of my head who have changed my life in miraculous ways and whom I will always remember as angels in my life who have nothing in common with me other than we happened to be in the right place at the right time and be able to help one another. My conclusion: Heavenly Father sure knows what He is doing. 

Pictures....

Here are a few pictures. I'd like to be able to write some but mornings seem to get shorter and shorter and I need to be getting ready for work and Annabeth needs to have a bath. 

A little treat for Grammie

She was smiling a lot more before I got the camera out, and of course just after the battery died she started cooing and gurgling a lot more. She just sin't a fan of the camera.

Singing Time...

I will eventually add pictures of the baby blessing. I'm just lazy and don't ever feel the energy to hunt down the cord to attach my camera to my computer. Someday I'll find it, the camera concoction, for Joseph and baby and me....Oh wow, am I tired or what! Anyway the picture from today is off my phone.

You can see that the little cutie is smiling, but if I took the binki out she would only start to scream. I can't get a good picture of her smiling without her binki in...but someday...someday she will be happy at a time other than 5 am, and then the camera will catch the allusive Annabeth smile.

Anywho, Annabeth was officially welcomed as the newest member of our primary today, because she comes to sharing time with me. When I was pregnant she would always wiggle and worm during singing time, so I was curious as to weather or not she would react when she got free but she LOVES it. She was fussy before the sing started and screamed when it stopped, but as long as their was a song going she was a happy, if somewhat spity, little girl. There is also something amazing about singing "I am a child of God" while holding your very own baby.

Also...HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!! To the best newest daddy out there! But if i make this post longer, i'll burn dinner so I'll leave it at that.

Disclaimer: Grandma Payne vocabulary used...

Before you get upset...pictures are coming. I just haven't had time to get around to posting the pictures from the blessing as I have gone back to work this week. Which unhappy subject is the topic of my emotional vomit today.

I started back to work on Monday, fully prepared to face a full on emotional breakdown. Which was why I was somewhat sup-prized to have an easy time of leaving Annabeth with my sister-in-law and going to work.  At work I was greeted by countless employee's and customers who were all glad to see me and wanted to know everything about Annabeth I could find time to tell them between transactions. All and all, it was a fairly good day. The next day when I dropped Annabeth of was much harder, she was awake instead of sleeping, but once I got to work it was like I'd never taken six weeks off. I just got into the grove of things and went about my day. It wasn't until I was coming into the house listening to Joseph have a one conversation with Annabeth as if she really could be expressing her opinion that I felt a pang of regret. One day I will drop Annabeth off with someone else and come home to find her sitting on a couch with a boy telling me she is off to start her own life with Joseph and I. And I am fairly certain all that may just happen while I am at work. Still, a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do so I dropped her of again yesterday and bustled off to work, handled several very sticky situations with very grumpy customers and went home feeling very good about myself and my place in laugh. Annabeth and I had a good snuggle, Joseph used his daddy magic to put her to bed at 10 and she sleep until 5! Miracle!

And then today, at about 11:30, (about the time I am supposed to be putting Annabeth in the car) the bomb I thought was going to squash me on Monday slammed into me out of nowhere. I was trying to put a vary angry little baby into her car seat, when all I really wanted to do was snuggle with her and put her down for a nap...or rather not put her down for a nap but hold her all afternoon. And the insanity of it all left me bawling like a baby (actually the baby was just screaming, so not quite like a baby). I sat there staring at my baby screaming in the car seat and all I could think was. Why in the H*#$ (word my Grandma Payne does not think is a swear word) am I doing this? 

A question I still do not have an answer to more than an hour later. Here I am at work, while my precious little baby is being taken care of by someone else. Why am I doing this? And why is is so (just thought another word my grandma doesn't think is a swear word) is it so hard?? It's not like I don't trust my sister-in-law or my husband with Annabeth. It's not that I hate my job. I really like my job, and I love the people I work with and many of my customers. But is that really worth it? Is it worth coming home one day to find that I missed the first time Annabeth rolled over, or the first time she sat up on her own? Is it worth her asking me some question about her childhood in the long distant future and not being able to answer and being forced to have her turn to her aunts instead? Will their come a day when she prefers them over me because she is with them more. Will she say Lissa or Sarah before Mama? 

Just what is it I am trading for 10.50 an hour? Surly time with by baby is much more important. But you can't pay rent with time with your baby, and so what do I do?

Sorry for the depressing post...but I needed the emotional vent...

Memorial Day

It was while taking this picture I realized I had become my Grandma Payne...This is  headstone is  Robin's (Joseph's mom)..i was taking pics of the flowers for this year when I realized the only one crazy enough to take pictures of the same grave every year is my grandma...and now me apparently. 

Every year we go to Tooele for Memorial Day so we can help with my father-in-law's shop....and by every year I mean the two years I have been married so far. But I imagine it is a tradition that will carry on, in fact I'm pretty sure it was in the fine print of my marriage certificate that it was a requirement to help at the shop on that particular weekend  Any-who....I had it all planned out what I wanted to write about this weekend, as it was a very fun weekend and I love family traditions but Annabeth has taken it into her mind that it is time to eat again even though she just ate an hour ago. Maybe I'll have time to write again later this week, but for now, here are some cute pictures. Just in case i am lazy and never finish this post. 

One Month Old....(I'm a little late)

I love this picture because she looks just as surprised that she is a month old as I am .

I cannot believe that it has been more than a month since Annabeth was born. I feel like we just got home from the hospital a few days ago. We celebrated her 1 month mark down at my parents house so here are a few pictures from the weekend. 

Here is a family photo arranged by Joseph.  He spent a good portion of the weekend playing play mobiles with my nephew Kole. 

She doesn't quite fit but she had a good nap anyway.

Aunt Tory couldn't resist the temptation to see if she'd sleep in here. We used to put our little Houston (soon to be Logan) babies in here all the time. 

Annabeth's first piano lesson. She prefers playing with her feet. 

Snuggling up with cousin Wyatt. He was very excited that the baby liked him. My little nephews normally try and beat him up. 

Being weighed on the butcher scale. She was just over 9lbs on  the 19th  it was hard to tell how many ounces because she was wiggling and screaming so much. but somewhere around 3 or 4.

I put away the last of the newborn cloths today, all except for her leggings which she can still wear with the bigger onsies as capris. I'm surprised how sad it made me. She is growing up so fast. Before I know it I'll be sending her off to kindergarten and bawling my eyes out over having to let her go. I've got less than two weeks before I'll have to be back to work. I don't want 100% Annabeth time to be over. I was a little sad too because some of Annabeth's pj's were twiners to her little cousin Elsie's, and even though I knew she probably would never get to be with Elsie while both their cute little cloths still fit, I was kind of hoping. Not that it is that big of a deal, it's quite superficial really. Besides if they both keep growing at the rate they are now, they'll probably be the same size for a while, and matching cloths are easy to buy so I can keep hoping. And anyway, it's not like either of them are going to remember this part of their little lives anyway. They'll have plenty of time in the future to do fun things together that will be a lot more meaningful than their mom's forcing them into pictures that would only be useful as black-male in the future. 

Earlier today I was on facebook, catching up on stalking my old high-school and college buddies. Many of them are in grad school, a few of them are traveling to other countries and living out amazing dreams and plans that I once had for myself. For a minute I was a little jealous of their adventures, and then Annabeth started screaming like an angry little mandrake root a sure sign she was hungry. (If she's really hungry she doesn't fuss for a bit before waking up she wakes up quite suddenly and quite angry). My reaction caught me off guard. I thought it would intensify my jealous but instead, I realized that as great as the things my friends are doing, I like what I am doing more. I never could have imagined the day when I thought of being covered in baby spit one handedly trying to get a bottle ready for a screaming baby would appeal to me more than seeing Wicked preformed in London, or humanitarian work in south and central America or graduating with a masters. Yet that day has arrived, I wouldn't trade life as it is now for anything. 

Even though it has been more than a month I still can't get over how in awe I am of Annabeth and the change she has made in my life. I never knew that the love I would have for my baby would be so strong that it would make the love i feel for everything else in my life more powerful as well. I didn't realize how much my capacity to feel joy, to interact with the Spirit to understand and empathize with others would be increased so much. But it has, and I am so so grateful for my little cricket and for everything I am learning from her.